Ian Oliver
Prompt: I decided the only solution was to seduce him - From Episode 01
I'd seen him in lectures, many times. He always seemed to be alone. He'd wear the same style of clothes - a plaid short-sleeved shirt and jeans. He'd always sit in the same place in the lecture leathre - second row, four seats from the right. I gazed at him from afar, with longing, but he never seemed to notice me.
I caught up with him a couple of days ago; I'd seen him at the queue at the donught stall so I popped over and said hi. He was pleasant, but seemed quite distant. The conversation felt a little stilted; he seemed quite shy, or indifferent to me. But not to worry, I'd find a way to crack into his interior.
I passed him a note in the next lecture, but he read it without seeming to comment. How was I going to attract his attention and let him know I wanted him. I decided the only solution was to seduce him, confront him directly. So for the final lecture that week I wore my sexiest clothing, Brushed my hair just right, and purposely sat next to him. I'd win him over with my charm and sex appeal.
He barely noticed. Even when I 'accidentally' touched his hand as he lay it on the desk. Even when I slipped my shoe off and casually brushed his leg with my toes. I could take it no more; I grabbed his hand and held it. He didn't let go.
At the end of the lecture he turned to me. The first time he'd ever properly gazed into my eyes. He was so handsome, so cute. And then he said the words that would stay with me for the rest of my life. "You're kinda cool, but why are you holding my hand?"
"Because I fancy you."
"Oh, right. I'm asexual, good luck with that."
Prompt: A half-eaten tangerine - From Episode 1
Welcome to this part of the game, you lucky people. All you have to do is remember all the items that come down this conveyor belt.
A fondue set, a frying pan, a daisy shaped cushion, a cuddly toy, a picture of Boris Johnson, a set of tea-towels, unwashed, a half eaten tangerine…
A half eaten tangerine?
Look budget cuts, all right.
Prompt: My brother did this weird thing with turtles - From Episode 02
The twigs crackled in the flames, as the skewer brushed against them. The smell of burnt sugar mixed with cinders in the cold air. "So," came a voice in the shadows, "what's your story?"
A higher-piched voice replied. "Last summer, I was walking in the woods, with Katie, you know Katie, she helps run rag week. It was late in the afternoon, getting dark. We heard a weird noise in the trees, like, a rustling. And then a weird moan. We looked at each other, scared but also curious. We crept slowly and silently, and, oh god, there was one of my Chemistry lecturers, bent over a log. Naked."
"Do I want to hear any more?"
"He looked like he was enjoying himself. But he must have heard us cos we looked around and then ran off into the bushes. We walked up to the log and .... "
"Ewww. No more. Paul, your turn."
The voice continued. "It was sticky, and."
"I don't want to know. Paul!"
There was a pause. A deeper voice responded.
"Well .... my brother did this weird thing with turtles once, and ..."
"NO! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! Over to you Rachel!"
Your Mother’s Pearls - From Episode 02
Ducks quacked as the man sat on the bench, throwing bits of corn. Another man sits next to him. Both dressed in big coats and dark glasses. There is a pause.
"I see Old Harry scored a century yesterday."
"Yes, shame about the newspaper editor though. It rained on him."
One man leaned forward.
"Is Eric doing well in school?
"Top in English, Top in Russian, not in history."
"What do the parents want?
"He's going to need your mother's pearls, and a nailclipper."
He nodded, solemnly, looked around, opened his briefcase, and gave the other man a parcel.
Ian can be followed on twitter @planet_leesti.